Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Stranger - and Scarier - than Fiction

Science Fiction and Other ODDysseys, or rather Ann Wilkes, was the victim of a burglary. The jewels I can live without. I'm hoping the insurance will not weasel out of covering the nearly new, not recently backed-up MacBookPro. Between that and my short-term gig as Volunteer Coordinator for the Sonoma County Book Festival, SFOO has suffered a bit. I'm breaking my silence with a post that is someone less than science fictional, but falls under the category of "you can't make this stuff (changed from shit for the tender-eared readers) up".

When I still had my lovely MacBookPro, I was unable to print wirelessly. I finally decided that that was getting a bit old - especially since I wanted to retire the desktop computer. So, several online chats later, Lexmark gives up. They don't know why I can't print wirelessly. Huh. This is after they made me wait two days while the team tried to recreate the conditions and fix the problem. Of course they made me rehash what we already did in spite of the fact that the problem ticket already existed. Just gave up. We don't know. Turns out it may have been the wireless router. I know this now because we had trouble with it when trying to get the desktop back up and running after the burglary. That two-hour ordeal included one useless call to Linksys, a call to the ISP, then another call to Linksys, (this time speaking to someone who actually knew what he was doing).

So, then the one piece of software I still didn't have on my beloved, now-stolen laptop was Quickbooks. I was using Quicken on the desktop and decided since I needed to buy software, why not think long-term? You know, to when I'm actually making so much money as a writer I need business software to track it all. :)

I swear on my first edition copy of Vernor Vinge's Fire Under the Deep that this is the actual chat conversation that was emailed to me. It doesn't say I can't share it with you all, so hopefully Intuit won't get bent out of shape. But we can all hope they'll get better customer service chatters. And how much you want to bet that the operator wasn't named "Lois"? By the way, it was all a moot point just three short days later. That's when I was burglarized.

General Info
Chat start time Sep 4, 2012 10:14:02 PM EST
Chat end time Sep 4, 2012 10:31:32 PM EST
Duration (actual chatting time) 00:17:30
Operator Lois
Chat Transcript
info: Please wait for a Chat Consultant to respond. Your wait time will be approximately 0 minute(s) and 1 second(s).
info: Welcome to QuickBooks Sales Chat. You are now chatting with 'Lois'. I'll be your QuickBooks Business Consultant. How can I help you today?
Lois: You're very much welcome! It's been a pleasure chatting with you today! When you leave this chat you will be offered a brief survey. Please click the “Close” button to end the chat. Your feedback is important to us, so that we can serve you better in the future. Have a wonderful day!
Lois: Sorry.
you: I have been using Quicken for a long time. I'm a writer who is not yet making a profit. Is Quick Books overkill?
Lois: Thank you for choosing to chat with QuickBooks Desktop Sales, my name is Lois. May I have your name please?
you: Ann
Lois: Hello there and pleased to meet you online Ann! How may I assist you?
you: I can transfer my Quicken data to Quickbooks, right?
you: Is it an upgrade if I have Quicken?
Lois: Yes you can transfer the data. You will have to convert the files first.
you: are there online tutorials to learn how to integrate with turbotax? Convert files to what? And how? I have a recent backup.
Lois: For that, just to set your expectations, you have reached the Desktop Sales team and I may not be able to address your concern. What I can do is provide you our Technical Support team number to better assist you.
Lois: Here's the number. 800-825-8168
you: So, do I get an upgrade price if I'm converting from Quicken?
you: I will, but please answer my other questions first.
you: there are two other unanswered questions
you: upgrade? and tutorials.
Lois: No. It will be the wamr. 20% discounted price.
you: OK and if I am only dealing with expenses and royalties in addition to regular personal stuff and no mortgage or other interest payments, is Quicken still a better fit?
Lois: Yes that's right.
you: what's right? Quicken is better for my needs?
Lois: You're most welcome. Would there be anything else that I may assist you with?
you: R U serious? You haven't answered any of my questions! Focus!
you: I didn't thank you either.
Lois: Quicken is designed for personal finances while QuickBooks is more on business.
you: Get your conversations straight or give me to someone who's paying better attention.
you: I know that much. Where do I fall if I'm only dealing with royalties and expenses?
you: Do you even know/
you: ?
Lois: For royalties and expenses, I suggest QuickBooks and not Quicken.
info: Your chat transcript will be sent to at the end of your chat.

That's when I gave up...


Anonymous said...

Wow, you're right. Can't make that stuff up. I really wish that I had a video camera at work sometimes for the same reasons.

Maurice Mitchell said...

Sounds like she just wanted you to hang up.

Ed (sloweddi) said...

It's not that I forget stuff, it's just that I don't remember right away.

You know Ann, Intuit has a very large office in town at W 9th St and Stony Point. You could go over there and lurk until they answered your questions.