My negative review of an anonymous book

Title (I can't tell you)

Author (I so can't tell you)

Review by Ann Wilkes

I read a bad book through to the end yesterday. No I haven't devolved back into that person who thinks she has to finish everything she starts - even a bad book. If I tell you the reason, you might figure out what book it was. Since I'm going to pull no punches about why it was bad and why I wanted to throw it across the room, I can't tell you the title. I have already established in my guidelines that I don't post negative reviews, and I'm not likely to read another bad book any time soon, so my guidelines will have to stand. That's enough of my preamble. I'm going to deliver this review of an anonymous book as a sanitized (no title, author names, character names, etc.) critique.

Dear writer,

Good for you that you put yourself out there and your novel was published. When I learned the topic of the book and it's connection to XYZ, I felt compelled to read it. I was looking forward to it, even.

I had been reading another book that has a large cast of characters and a grand scope with myriad complex issues. More work than I was ready for just then. So, finding out what an easy read yours was felt like a relief. Ahhhh. A book I can wiz through on the weekend.

However, around page 100, I'm getting sick of your one-dimensional protag who goes through life in a Pollyanna way, never making mistakes and solving problems with the greatest of ease. Where's the conflict? Where's the tension?

On page 236, I read the fly to see what the book is actually supposed to be ABOUT. Some of the stuff on the jacket had not happened yet and didn't even get introduced until the last third of the book. I want to know about those stakes and that conflict way sooner. I need way less of your protag's wonderful ninja career skills in minute detail. OK. I get you know your subject. You're an expert. But please give me a story. A plot!

And that first two-thirds would have been half as long if you paired down all the info dumps, eliminated all the wordy language and repetition, and quit telling me about every single opening and closing door.

We all have pet phrases. It's OK if your characters have them, but the narration shouldn't. Don't tell me character A completely understood this, that and the other, and the other. Sometimes, perhaps they knew full well, or grasped the subject. And please don't have them always hating to admit this or that. (The real over-used phrases have been changed to protect the author.)

And we all have favorite mannerisms. But not everyone in the room is a hand wringer or a lint picker. Give them different ones, please. The mannerisms should set them apart, not make them homogenized.

So, you decided to throw in a romantic interest. Good for you. I don't mind a little romance in my sci-fi, so long as it doesn't take over. This did the opposite. Those few tender moments were all tell, no show. I'm not asking for graphics, here. They're only kisses. But don't tell me he or she felt thrilled. Show me what it looked like. Have (we'll say her) touch her lips after (we'll say he) walks away, or have the lips quiver before the kiss. Something.

And twice during a kiss, the protag suddenly has eyes in back of (we'll say his this time) head and knows what the other people in the room are doing. The whole thing is in his Point of View until he's lip-locked. Then suddenly it's an omniscient POV.

Also, there's a chapter toward the end that is in another character's POV. I just wish you had done that sooner and more often. It came out of left field so far into the book.

Now about that ending. I'm so totally not a happily ever after kind of writer, but wow. That was brutal. But as brutal as the protag's loss was, the protag still spouted advice about coping to everyone else and didn't fall apart. Perfect to the last. I get that he might be in shock and will fall apart later, but he was way too peachy and preachy. At least if you're gonna give your character a blow like that, have him grieve, grow and change.

But you got published. So, there's that.

***

Wow! I feel so much better. I just hope no one guesses the book - especially the author - since I've seriously ripped his or her book to shreds.

What makes a great story?

I'm inundated with books to read for review. I can't read them all, and I don't review all the books I read. If it's a real stinker, I won't even finish it. If it's borderline, I may hang in there, hoping it will get better, or maybe to see how it ends (in spite of the sloppy delivery). If I can't find more good things to say than bad, I won't bother to write the review. Wouldn't you rather read a review of a good book than a skewering of a bad one?

I recently tried a book that had horrible worldbuilding. I don't know how it got published. A society would just never buy into such a crazy, illogical system. My plausibility meter (or PLAUSOMETER) was screaming for mercy. If I can't put myself in the author's world, there's no hope of enjoying the story.

I thought it might be helpful or amusing to share what I believe are the necessary elements of a really good story. I'll also give you the same number of turn-offs. I'm not including poor grammar and simple lack of decent editing as that goes without saying.


What I look for in a good book:
1) FOUNDATION. The world, society, premise and tech (or whatever fantastical element is present) must be believable.

2) CHARACTERS. The main character must be multi-layered and someone I can sympathize with on some level - even if it's a bad person (or being). The motivations of the characters must be believable without dumping half a chapter of back story in to convince me. And each character should have a unique voice. I read a book once in which even the aliens and humans sounded the same.

3) PLOT. There must be a unique plot that moves forward. I like action, but not just for action's sake.

4) DIALOG. The dialog must be natural.

5) INTEREST. The world, tech (or magic) must be interesting and unique. Or at least put together in a unique combination.



And here are the things that will make me stop reading (or even throw the book across the room):

1) BAD SCIENCE. Remember this can also apply to sociology. Would people really believe that? Live like that? You get the idea.

2) SCIENCE LECTURE. Is this a science book or a science fiction book? Okay, great, you're a brilliant scientist who knows all this cool stuff. But if you're not telling a story, you've lost me.

3) MEETINGS. This will definitely get the book tossed across the room. I don't like attending them, why would I want to read about them? Quit talking about it - just do it already. I love a lot of James P. Hogan's stuff, but I quit reading one of his for this reason.

4) BAD DIALOG. There's nothing like stilted dialog to yank me out of a story. Stilted dialog and those "As you know, Bob..." bits. This is from the Turkey City Lexicon. My critique group partners will find, from time to time, AYKB in red pen on their manuscript. It's a transparent device for delivering information to the reader which involves the character telling something to another character which that character surely already knows. And addressing people by their name constantly. Or slipping in and out of dialect.

5) CHARACTERS. If I can't relate to them or sympathize with them, I could care less what happens to them. I like character-driven plots.

I would love to hear from you about what YOU like in a good book. And what makes YOU throw a book across the room. Leave a comment and let me know. It will make you feel better.