My negative review of an anonymous book

Title (I can't tell you)

Author (I so can't tell you)

Review by Ann Wilkes

I read a bad book through to the end yesterday. No I haven't devolved back into that person who thinks she has to finish everything she starts - even a bad book. If I tell you the reason, you might figure out what book it was. Since I'm going to pull no punches about why it was bad and why I wanted to throw it across the room, I can't tell you the title. I have already established in my guidelines that I don't post negative reviews, and I'm not likely to read another bad book any time soon, so my guidelines will have to stand. That's enough of my preamble. I'm going to deliver this review of an anonymous book as a sanitized (no title, author names, character names, etc.) critique.

Dear writer,

Good for you that you put yourself out there and your novel was published. When I learned the topic of the book and it's connection to XYZ, I felt compelled to read it. I was looking forward to it, even.

I had been reading another book that has a large cast of characters and a grand scope with myriad complex issues. More work than I was ready for just then. So, finding out what an easy read yours was felt like a relief. Ahhhh. A book I can wiz through on the weekend.

However, around page 100, I'm getting sick of your one-dimensional protag who goes through life in a Pollyanna way, never making mistakes and solving problems with the greatest of ease. Where's the conflict? Where's the tension?

On page 236, I read the fly to see what the book is actually supposed to be ABOUT. Some of the stuff on the jacket had not happened yet and didn't even get introduced until the last third of the book. I want to know about those stakes and that conflict way sooner. I need way less of your protag's wonderful ninja career skills in minute detail. OK. I get you know your subject. You're an expert. But please give me a story. A plot!

And that first two-thirds would have been half as long if you paired down all the info dumps, eliminated all the wordy language and repetition, and quit telling me about every single opening and closing door.

We all have pet phrases. It's OK if your characters have them, but the narration shouldn't. Don't tell me character A completely understood this, that and the other, and the other. Sometimes, perhaps they knew full well, or grasped the subject. And please don't have them always hating to admit this or that. (The real over-used phrases have been changed to protect the author.)

And we all have favorite mannerisms. But not everyone in the room is a hand wringer or a lint picker. Give them different ones, please. The mannerisms should set them apart, not make them homogenized.

So, you decided to throw in a romantic interest. Good for you. I don't mind a little romance in my sci-fi, so long as it doesn't take over. This did the opposite. Those few tender moments were all tell, no show. I'm not asking for graphics, here. They're only kisses. But don't tell me he or she felt thrilled. Show me what it looked like. Have (we'll say her) touch her lips after (we'll say he) walks away, or have the lips quiver before the kiss. Something.

And twice during a kiss, the protag suddenly has eyes in back of (we'll say his this time) head and knows what the other people in the room are doing. The whole thing is in his Point of View until he's lip-locked. Then suddenly it's an omniscient POV.

Also, there's a chapter toward the end that is in another character's POV. I just wish you had done that sooner and more often. It came out of left field so far into the book.

Now about that ending. I'm so totally not a happily ever after kind of writer, but wow. That was brutal. But as brutal as the protag's loss was, the protag still spouted advice about coping to everyone else and didn't fall apart. Perfect to the last. I get that he might be in shock and will fall apart later, but he was way too peachy and preachy. At least if you're gonna give your character a blow like that, have him grieve, grow and change.

But you got published. So, there's that.

***

Wow! I feel so much better. I just hope no one guesses the book - especially the author - since I've seriously ripped his or her book to shreds.

My Space after 40...

Never say never. I said I'd never have kids. I have 5. I said I'd never blog: I have 4! I said I was too old for My Space, too. Oh, well. If you can't get your readers to come to you, you have to go find them, right? While browsing on Technorati earlier, I found out that the complete novel, Starship Titanic is out. Starship Titanic is an invention of the late Douglas Adams and Terry Jones (of Monty Python fame) has written a whole novel about it. It was first a computer game, one of very few that I've played. I liked the accompanying audio so much I even loaned the tapes out by themselves. And of course, the blogger is a Douglas Adams fan. What Douglas Adams fan wouldn't be an Awesome Lavratt fan? And she was on MySpace. So there you go. >sigh<

Under the Suns of Sarshan

As promised, here's an excerpt from my SF novel, Under the Suns of Sarshan. This is the beginning of chapter one.

Neptune loomed, sixty times bigger than Earth beneath the SS Eureka. Its deep blue a sharp contrast to the haze of its small irregular rings. The Eureka had just arrived for its week-long stop in high orbit before making its slow way back to Luna. The passengers were busy guiding their remotes in and around the Portens Crater ruins from the safety and luxury of their cabins, collecting pictures to "analyze" at their leisure. Most of them wouldn't know an artifact from a rock, but they could at least prove they'd been to Neptune.

"So, Captain, what do you make of the latest reports of alien sightings out here?" asked the pilot, a gangly young buck of twenty-something with a hook nose and big ears.

"We’ve only found a few planets that could support life . . . ."

"But the evidence . . . ."

She shot him an impatient look. "Is not conclusive. And as I was about to say, just because it could support life, doesn’t mean it will or has."

"But why not? What a waste," he said, shaking his head.

"All that matters is that the tourists believe. Rumors of aliens are good for business. Who do you think starts them?" she asked.

"You’re kidding, sir."

Karla gave him the are-you-really-that-naïve look.

He turned all kinds of red.

"I’m going for some java," she said. "Want any?"

"No. Thank you, sir."

Why do I always get stuck with the new jockeys, she thought, even though she knew the answer. After spending ten years running shuttles to Luna and another five piloting and playing guide for scientific missions, this pleasure cruise held no challenge. She had run this ten-month sightseeing voyage to Neptune and back four times now. Her experience earned her the highest space captain pay and the "privilege" of breaking in new pilots.

She stood up, pressed her hands against the small of her back and stretched backwards. Karla didn’t really need any coffee. She just needed a break from Weaver's constant chatter. After pouring a cup of coffee from the urn at the buffet near one of the observation windows, she gazed at the heavy concentration of matter in one of the three prominent arcs in Neptune’s Adams ring. As she did with abstract paintings and cumulus clouds on Earth, she imagined shapes in its rag tag group of meteorites.

The ship shuddered, spilling her coffee all over her captain's blues. She tossed the cup and ran back to the nose. "Report," she barked at Weaver as she stepped through the hatch.

"The port thruster kicked in on its own and is not responding. I can’t override it or shut it down," said the pilot, his voice raising an octave, "and engineering reports an aggressive organic substance breaching the hull."

Karla looked over his head at the controls, tapped his shoulder for him to get up and tried herself. The manual override refused to respond. She couldn’t get the thruster to disengage. "The cooling system is overloaded. I’m shutting down the main engine and diverting all cooling systems to that thruster," she said as her fingers flew over the controls. "Damn! Now the engines won’t respond. What the hell is going on?"

The com sounded. Chief Sanders' voice had an edge. "Captain, the hull’s nanoweb just read a biotechnic virus and it's already breached the hull. It’s spreading like a plasma fire and damaging every system it touches. This thing is fast. We’ve sealed the hull, but I’m getting frozen out of all controls. I’ve never seen anything like it." The chief engineer’s tone scared her more than his news. Nothing ever rattles that guy.

"Is Natter down there?" The biologists they sent on these cruises were primarily to make the passengers feel that they might be needed - to hint at the possibility of finding life in the outer system. They usually weren’t the best in their field and few had seen any action.

"Yes. He’s analyzing it. Might be a while, though. Anything that has been infected changes color and looks melted. People should stay sharp. We don’t know what it will do to human tissue but it can’t be good."

"Okay. Keep me posted." Karla then turned to the pilot. "Get that message to the crew. Have them tell the passengers cabin by cabin, room by room. I’m not putting that over ship-wide."

"Yes, sir." Weaver looked relieved to be actively involved.

Karla dove under the pilot console and pulled the cover off. She turned onto her back and tried bypassing the control. A wave of nausea hit her, and she bit her lip until it eased. The gravity was erratically fluctuating between 1G and 0G. She braced her knee on the underside of the console just in case the artificial gravity failed altogether.

"We’ve got the main engines shut down," said the chief over the com, "but the thruster is still firing. We’re going to have to jettison it from outside. Hathaway’s suited up and going EVA."

"Understood," Karla answered from under the console.

Karla wiped her brow and unzipped her vest. The temperature had already increased by ten degrees. Nothing she did made any difference. She got up, leaving the panel on the deck.

"Put that panel back. We don’t want it hitting us in the head if the AG goes," she said to the pilot.

"This virus is fast," said Chief Sanders over the com, "Natter says that it changes the molecular structure of everything it touches. You might want to consider the lifeboats before they’re infected, too."

Karla hoped she’d never have to put those metal coffins to the test. They had no maneuvering capabilities and limited rations. The Eureka was too far out. She doubted the lifeboats would last long enough for them to be rescued. They should have named her the Titanic. "Let’s not be hasty, Sanders. Let me know if Natter turns up anything useful, and keep in close contact with Hathaway."

"Hathaway’s just approaching the thruster panel. The hull temperature may breach his suit’s integrity before he even gets the panel off."

"Hathaway, no heroics," Karla radioed directly to Hathaway’s suit, "Get out of there before your suit breaches."

"Captain, I’ve almost got it." Then he grunted. "I’ve got the panel partially loosened. I can’t get…Damn!"

"What’s happening, Hathaway? Talk to me."

"It’s fused. My suit’s getting hotter by the second. I could torch it or blast it off but the containment necessary to…No! No! No! Ahhhhh…"

"Hathaway! Come in. What’s your status?" said Sanders. "Hathaway. Come in."

His radio only transmitted background noise. Karla’s gut wrenched as she pictured Hathaway’s flesh cooking in his suit as he hurtled off into space.

"Captain. I’m sorry. We’ve lost Hathaway. We need to evacuate to the lifeboats."

"I’ll give the order."

Sonoma County Literary Events, Odd & Ends

I just updated the calendar for local events. Scroll down and check it out. There's lots going on in the literary slice of Sonoma County.

I finished that Allen Steele serial, Galaxy Blues, and see that it is indeed available as a novel. Excellent character driven story with expert treatment of first contact issues. I recommend it.

Robert Sawyer has some helpful tips on getting good press.

For any Blues fans out there, might I recommend Tommy Castro to you? He's local, but destined for big things.

I'll post some excerpts of Under the Suns of Sarshan this week. I updated my bio and website. If you haven't visited yet, please do.

Speaking Engagement and New Project

If you live in the North Bay (CA): I'm the speaker for the next meeting of my local branch of the California Writers' Club, March 2nd at Marvin's Restaurant in Cotati. These meetings have been packed for months. In fact they're looking for a larger venue. The Redwood Writer's Club has been very active in the literary community, hosting readings, contests, workshops and excellent speakers. To find out more, check out their website.

I'll be speaking on speaking. Or rather, public reading, mostly. If you heard about it here and come, say hi and let me know. I'll be updating the RWC calendar this week, as well.

Now for the non-local readers:
I'm very excited about my new project and have found new gusto for the one held up in rewrites. I'm going to print the whole thing out and read it from the beginning again. It's been such a long haul that I tend to lose touch with the story arc and developments and aspects of previous chapters. And I just plain got sick to death of it. I decided that rather than toss it in a draw, it's time to reread the whole novel to remind myself why it's worth finishing.

My new project has telepathy, sentient whales, population control, plague, romance and intrigue. I'll post an excerpt of Under the Suns of Sarshan soon on my website, followed by one of the new project (not yet titled). I have also just sent out a fantasy story that may end up becoming a novel later on. Everyone who has read or heard it wants more. I'll tell you more about that when the story finds a home.

New Star Trek Movie, "Dear Jane" Letter, writing, revising and peddling my wares

The good news: JJ Abrams, directing! The bad news: We have to wait till Christmas. In the meantime, here's the teaser trailer. Not much, but it does whet the appetite a little. http://www.paramount.com/startrek

I just got a "Dear Jane" letter this week. But it was a glowing one. ALL the editors liked the story, but they didn't have room for it. I'm trying to get more organized about sending stuff out. I'm developing a database so that I can know at a glance who accepts reprints, who pays what, what their word limits are, etc. Especially for the ones I've already scoped out, and know what they like. Market research is time consuming. I'm hoping this will help. It's time I stopped repeating my efforts every time I bat a story back into play. Of course, this exercise made something all too clear. Almost no one takes reprints! Ugh!

Meantime, I'm sick of my novel. It's been here too long, stinking up the place like last night's fish. I have to make myself finish the rewrites. I think I need to start the next one at the same time, so I can be writing again, instead of just revising. Much more satisfying. And the next one should be great to write. I can't wait any more. Maybe I'll do the Revision in a Month thing in March on the old one. >sigh<

I'm still waiting for the new issue at Nanobison, featuring my story, "Jolaneering". I'll let you know when it's up. I just sent another story out to make the rounds. I hope you'll see it this year. My fingers are crossed.

Not another former-spouses team saving the world from disaster!

I'm beginning to think that it's some unwritten prerequisite for disaster movies! Enough already! How many disaster movies have you seen where the two scientific experts called in on the disaster (man-made or otherwise -- usually the former) are ex-spouses? I tuned in to the SF channel after an especially long day, thinking a disaster flick would be okay if I'm working on the lap top while I'm watching. Then she says, "We're not married anymore, remember," to the other scientist and I yelled at the TV in protest. It's as bad as large mutated (fill in the blank) movies. How are these done-to-death themes still getting produced, viewed and, presumably, making money?

Okay, I'm done ranting. I feel much better now. :)

Compared to Douglas Adams!

Saturday, the twelfth, after my reading in Santa Rosa, from my new book, Awesome Lavratt, another author compared me to Douglas Adams! Woo hoo! And then my publisher did the following Saturday. :) I'm a huge fan of his work, and obviously influenced by him. Now to find someone famous to say it for the back of the book. If only I can scoop up all those Douglas Adams fans out there who are dying for something new.

That story I recently rewrote that didn't know what it wanted to be when it grew up? The one about the tiny aliens stealing drugs from Earth? I went with the dangerous heist route and sent it out. Now I keep wanting to make the other choice, too, and write it as it began, as a fun little romp with a punch line. Maybe if I change it just enough and change the title...

And the other story I just rewrote doesn't want to end, and no one wants it too. >sigh< style="font-weight: bold;">Under the Suns of Sarshan, so I wanted to kick all these things out the door. I think I'll leave it as a short. I can always return to Chance's world later with a longer story. It's dripping with possibilities.

Building Worlds with Words OR My Fifteen Minutes of Fame

I made it into the local paper today. I'm in the "Magnified" section of the Community Voice: Building Worlds With Words. I'm reading from my new novel, Awesome Lavratt, on Saturday in Santa Rosa. It's at Mysterious Future Bookstore on 5th St. near the mall for those who are local and available from 2-4PM.

And to make my week complete, the local rock station played my "perfect 10 (songs)" last night. Want to know what they were? I tried not to pick the overplayed ones. Here's the list I came up with:

1 Crossroads by Eric Clapton
2 Summer in the City by Lovin' Spoonful
3 Aja by Steely Dan
4 Love in an Elevator by Aerosmith
5 All Right Now by Free
6 Hoedown by Emerson, Lake & Palmer
7 Framed by Burton Cummings
8 Fat Bottom Girls by Queen
9 Load Out/Stay by Jackson Brown
10 Superstition by Stevie Ray Vaughn

I also have another one of my babies (stories) ready to leave the nest. I'm hoping to give it the final once-over this afternoon, and send it out to a print magazine. Fingers crossed. The story is about tiny thieving aliens who travel to Earth for a special heist. This story morphed so much that its original title, although cute (Short People Have More Reason), no longer provides an accurate glimpse into the story. Maybe "The Grasshopper Caper"? I don't know. I have to mull it. Feel free to provide suggestions. :)

Where I Usually Write??

I have a reporter coming over to do a feature for the local paper. He said he'd like to get a photo of me where I do my writing. I do it everywhere! My husband accused me of having a compulsion to write (why thank you! :) ) when I was writing a scene for my newest story on the back of a Mapquest printout I found in the car. He was helping his Mom at the airport and I waited in the car offsite since it was going to be a while. Yeah. I'm a tightwad. I parked in a hotel parking lot, waiting for his call. This was after circling like a vulture three times.

I hate being stuck waiting somewhere without something I'm working on or something to read. And sometimes those are the BEST times to write because you can't possibly do anything else. Getting the oil changed, the tires rotated or sitting in the doctor's office waiting room. That is if they don't have a TV you can't turn off or escape from. I remember reading an article in Poets & Writers about writing in bed. I've done that, too. I write while walking the dog--at least mentally. I write in my sleep. I love it when I wake up with a great story. :)

Of course, the writing can begin on a napkin, the back of a receipt or a legal pad, but it eventually has to go into the computer. What did we ever do without copy, paste, find and replace?

Writer's and Reader's Resources

Everyone needs a hand up to succeed in the arts. Well, unless you have some kind of magic you're not telling us about. I'm inviting speculative fiction writers to check out one of the places where I'm still getting a hand up. Other World's Writers' Workshop. I've been in lots of critique groups. They come and go. They help, they don't. This one is the one that I have consistently benefited from over the years. They have lots of helpful resources on the main page and the workshop is great. The rules are tough, but that's why it works and it's still around after at least five years.

Now, if you write ANYTHING (minus grocery lists, letters, emails and to-do lists) and live in California, here's the place to be: California Writers' Club. They have about 17 branches throughout the state. Tons of help and resources. I highly recommend checking them out. Go to their website to find a branch near you.

Not to forget you readers out there, if you haven't discover Fantastic Fiction, today's the day. Don't you hate it when you pick up a used paperback or a book in the library that's part of series, and it doesn't tell you the order of them on the flap? Problem solved.